Monday, October 14, 2013


Sometimes you find clarity in the middle of a long night. Let me explain, Every night somewhere in the middle of the night or maybe somewhere around morning, Sassy climbs into bed with me. Most of the time I'm not even aware that she's there until my alarm goes off and I have to untangle her long limbs from mine to get up and turn it off. Some nights she wakes me up by pushing or kneeing me. Sometimes we get to hot and it's hard to sleep. Some nights between her and the sleeping cat on my legs I'm unable to roll over and wake up stiff and sore.  I've always looked at this sleeping arrangement as a sacrifice on my part. She obviously needs me so I give up some of my stretch out space so she can feel safe and warm and get the sleep her growing body needs. The other night changed my perspective. I was awaken in the middle of the night by a strange noise. I got up to investigate and found that the big bag full of little bags of chips had fallen off the shelf. No biggie. But for some reason in my groggy half awake mind that set off a night of night terrors. Every time I started to fall asleep I'd wake up with a nightmare and a racing heart. I was scared. I couldn't calm my mind or my heart. So I did what any rational person would do. I turned on Duck Dynasty and decided to stay awake until morning. I watched t.v. and tried to relax, but I just couldn't.  When all hope was lost my little blonde bed head stumbled into my room. I watched as she climbed up and over the foot of my bed. I couldn't help but giggle when the cat grumbled disapprovingly as Sassy knelt on her tail as she crawled towards me. I don't think she ever even opened her eyes but she was able to find her spot next to me.  And as her warm little body cuddled into mine my heart finally started to calm down. The racing, terrifying thoughts faded away as I marveled at her. I watched her eyes flutter with dreams. I traced her soft, perfect cheeks with my finger. She reached out and held onto my arm like she always has done since she was an infant. I felt so much love for her and in that moment I realized that I need her just as much as she needs me.